Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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