What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
