I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
