whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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