guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
