I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
