he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
