I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
