Who did Billy Mays play for?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
