I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
