And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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