I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
