WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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