I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
