So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
