Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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