Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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