I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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