I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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