can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
