I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
