Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
