Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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