He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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