I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
