I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
