who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
