ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
