does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
