i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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