so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
