She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
