I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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