i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
