It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
