yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
