I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
