i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
