Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
