Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
