Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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