Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
