Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize