a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
