At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it glows. i had to have it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize