Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
