none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
