according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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