If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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