Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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