Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
