i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The struggles of a small town man whore
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
