Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
