you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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