His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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