Where did you get a picture of my penis
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
