Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize