i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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