I think I died a long time ago.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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