Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
