It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize