A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
even my farts smell like vagina
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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