I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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